Things France isn’t allowed to do
by tedyvirysa
Summary: The title says it all.I'm starting a contest of who can make the most hilarious fic about France breaking all those rules. For more info go to my profile page.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don' own Hetalia.

Things France isn't allowed to do:

1. I am not allowed to do anything connected to Yaoi.

-Even if I England likes it.

-Even if I have been given permission by Hungary.

2. I am not allowed to take out Germany's dogs for a walk.

3. I am not allowed to tell Italy about the birds and the bees.

4. I am not allowed to go anywhere near Russia's sisters.

-Or the Baltics.

-Or the Balkans

-I'm bad influence and Russia will hit me.

5. I'm not allowed to show Canada any porn sites.

6. I'm not allowed to kidnap nations at Christmas and take pictures of them.

-Even if the nation in question is Prussia.

7. I'm not allowed to ask Germany and Italy when the wedding is every time they go on a date.

8. I'm not allowed to help Hungary to take pictures of other nations while they are taking a bath.

-Even if she promise to give me some of England's pictures.

9. I'm not allowed to make any jokes about Germania and Rome's relationship in front of Germany and Italy.

10. I'm not allowed to turn Sealand into my colony.

-Even if there is a chance of England agreeing to marry me just for that reason.

11. I'm not allowed to force England into marriage.

12. I'm not allowed to call the former Soviet Union "The Slavic mafia".

-The former Soviet nations will get angry and tell Russia.

13. I'm not allowed to give England panic attacks by snicking in bed with him in my birthday suit just before he wakes up.

-I'm not allowed to do that to the other nations either.

13. I'm not allowed to sing dirty songs in front of Lichtenstein.

14. I'm not allowed to help Spain with winning Romano over.

15. I'm not allowed to make a time machine.

-Or help Russia in making a time machine.

16. I'm not allowed to say that the "God told me to" excuse is still valid.

17. I'm not allowed to grand any nation with the status of empire just for fun.

18. I'm not allowed to bring Rome back to life.

-Or Germania.

-Or Byzantine.

-The last one will be devastating for the Balkan nations.

19. I'm not allowed to tell all the Slavic nations to go back to Siberia.

-It will give Russia ideas.

20. I'm not allowed to dress Austria up as a kitty.

21. I'm not allowed to tell America and Canada that they are a product of me and England having fun time.

-Because it isn't true.

22. I'm not allowed to go anywhere near Belgium.

- I'm bad influence and Germany will hit me.

23. I'm not allowed to try to date Norway.

24. I'm not allowed to be a drama Queen for something that's entirely my fault.

25. I'm not allowed to say anything at all about maid's outfits around Hungary.

-It will backfire.

26. I'm not allowed to tell others I'm going to take over the world.

-Because I won't.

-That's Russia's job.

27. I'm not allowed to show anyone pictures of Byzantine dragging Bulgaria to the altar.

-Its not amusing.

-Russia will hit me.

-America will hit me.

-Bulgaria will show everyone my baby pictures... and then hit me.

28. I'm not allowed to tell anyone of that one time Hungary beat up Russia.

-Because it is scary and will cause panic.

29. I'm not allowed to tell China that he is a pretty girl.

-Korea will hit me.

-Russia will attack me.

30. I'm not allowed to say that my archeologist found prove that Russia's true origins are from the Middle East.

-He will go and take over it.

31. I'm not allowed to recognize Prussia back as a nation.

32. I'm not allowed to say that the Slavs are aliens from Mars.

-That will give America ideas.

33. I'm not allowed to say "I'm your father!" in front of Belarus.

- She will cut me into tiny pieces.

34. I'm not allowed to explain what taking of vital regions means to younger nations.

35. I'm not allowed to swim in the pool with other nations.

36. I'm not allowed to laugh manically.

-That's Prussia's job.

37. The nickname "Prussia of the Balkans" doesn't mean that Bulgaria is Prussia's soul-mate and I should not tell Gilbert that it is exactly what it means.

-Because Prussia may actually believe me.

38. I'm not allowed to say that Turkey is a pimp.

-He will get ideas.

39. I'm not allowed to go anywhere near the Nordics.

40. I'm not allowed to call America and Iraq's war a lover's spat.

-Because it isn't.

41. I'm not allowed to turn Turkey and Greece into a couple.

42. I'm not cupid and have no right to go around in toga.

43. I will not threaten to send all my lawyers into Japan.

-Because that's just mean.

44. I will not talk about my youth in front of the other nations.

45. I'm not allowed to start another war between the Balkans.

-They will do that themselves.

46. I'm not allowed to tell everyone to send Russia on Mars.

-Because they may actually do it.

47. I'm not allowed to restore the bad friends trio.

- The female nations will skin me alive if I do.

48. I will not send black roses to Iran.

-He may thing that they are a declaration of war and bomb me.

49. I'm not allowed to tell Spain that Romano has agreed to marry him.

-Because Spain will immediately go to the church and try to marry Romano.

50. I'm not going to say that I had defeated Hun Khaganate.

-Because it was Germania who did that.

-The Slavs won't be amused and will declare me war.

-America will attack me to prove that he is the greatest nation ever lived.

-A WW3 will break out.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don' own Hetalia.

Things France isn't allowed to do:

1. I'm not allowed to help Denmark get a date with Finland.

- Sweden won't be amused and will resort to violence.

2. I'm not allowed to ask inappropriate questions concerning world relations during world meetings.

-Especially if they are about Russia.

-Or Germany.

3. I'm not allowed to tell Russia that since his name is so similar to Prussia's they are soul mates.

-That won't end well for Prussia.

-He is my friend and that should matter to me more than getting some smexy photos...but it doesn't.

4. I'm not allowed to use Germany's affection towards Italy for blackmail purposes.

5. I'm not allowed to help Hungary at all.

6. I'm not allowed to scream "Yuri" every time two female nations pass by.

-It will attract fan boys.

7. I'm not allowed to scream "Yaoi" every time two male nations pass by.

-It will attract fan girls.

8. I'm not allowed to give the meeting's location to fan girls.

-Because that's a horrible thing to do.

-It will backfire.

9. I'm not allowed to give Sealand sugar.

-England will send Australia to kill me.

10. I'm not allowed to give Kosovo sugar.

-Serbia will send Russia to kill me.

11. I'm not allowed to give Macedonia sugar.

-Bulgaria will send Belarus to kill me...if I'm lucky he may send America.

12. I'm not allowed to talk dirty to Finland.

13. I'm not allowed to start a fight between Hungary and Romania.

-It's not healthy for their neighbors.

14. I'm not allowed to talk about old times in front of any of the nations that were under Ottoman rule.

-They will become sad and send Russia after me.

15. I'm not allowed to say any lawyer jokes in front of Japan.

-Because they are not jokes and he knows it.

16. I'm not allowed to give America horror movies.

17. I'm not allowed to snick in his house and pretend to be a ghost.

18. I'm not allowed to release a second bull in the arena while Spain is being a toreador.

-Even if it makes England smile.

-It's not healthy for Spain.

19. I'm not allowed to tell panda jokes in front of Russia.

-He may get ideas.

20. I'm not allowed to put whine in the punch.

-Even if it makes it taste better.

-Even if it makes the party better.

-Even if it causes an orgy.

21. I'm not allowed to start a "Who can get more male Slavs for a week" contest between Hungary and Romania.

-It will turn into a hunting trip.

-Then it will turn into a bloodbath.

-The Balkans will run to Russia for help.

-Putting anyone in a situation in which they have to depend on Russia is just mean.

22. I'm not allowed to give Russia ideas for new victims.

-Even if the pics will be as smexy as Hell.

-I should respect the rites of others and not put their life at risk...still I want the pics.

23. I'm not allowed to purposely put syrup on England's hand and then volunteer to lick it clean.

24. I'm not allowed to pretend to be innocent.

-No one will believe me anyway.

25. I'm not allowed to teach the younger nations how to become perverts.

-I'm bad influence and will be hit.

26. I'm not allowed to make any comments on Ukraine's look.

-Russia will skin me alive.

27. I'm not allowed to even think about dating Macedonia.

-Because deep down Bulgaria cares about his brother...

28. I'm not allowed to even think about dating China.

-Russia will skin me alive.

29. I'm not allowed to dress up as a cat and seduce Greece.

30. I'm not allowed to say that the Slavs were married amongst each other during the Soviet period.

-Because it isn't true.

-Even if Russia likes the idea and shows prove.

31. I'm not allowed to continue stating that they were indeed married and got divorced due to Russia's kinky tendencies.

-Because they weren't married in the first place.

-Because Russia may actually believe me and try to remarry them.

32. I'm not going to lock Russia and Turkey in a closet.

-Even if the Balkans love the idea and back me up.

33. I'm not allowed to give fan girls some of Prussia's diaries.

-Even thou he has an entire library full of them.

34. I'm not allowed to make a croissant bakery, the only currency of which will be striptease.

35. I'm not allowed to make a statue of a naked England.

36. I'm not allowed to go to a meeting naked.

-Or request for the others to become naked as well.

-Because it's not ethical.

37. I'm not allowed to say anything about Napoleon in front of Russia.

-He will send General Winter after me.

38. I'm not allowed to make anyone eat ice cream off my vital regions.

- Its cruel...but smexy.

39. I'm not allowed to eat ice cream off anyone's vital regions.

-Oh, come on, why not? It's not cruel and it is smexy!

-I'm still not allowed to do it.

40. I'm not allowed to hit on the female nations.

-...And anyone is actually surprised that I go for men?

41. I'm not allowed to reproduce.

42. I'm not allowed to tell bedtime stories to Sealand.

-Or any of the other younger nations.

-Their big brothers will skin me alive when they are force to explain to their siblings about the birds and the bees.

43. I'm not allowed to go anywhere near the Middle East nations.

44. I'm not allowed to give Russia's email address to Belarus.

-That's just mean.

45. I'm not allowed to say "See you in hell" to the other nations.

-They may think that I will be their punishment and will cause chaos trying to build as many churches, or other religious temples as possible.

46. I'm not allowed to dress England up as a princes.

47. I'm not allowed to even think about Scotland.

48. I'm not allowed to tell Poland he is girly.

-It will hurt his feelings...even thou it is true.

49. I'm not allowed to clone Gilbert and let him keep the clone.

-One Gilbert is enough.

50. I'm not allowed to find any loopholes to any of the rules that were already written or will be written.

-But I'm still gonna.

-France-neesan is watching you.

_I'm probably going to write more than ten chapters for this fic. _


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don' own Hetalia.

Things France isn't allowed to do:

1. I'm not allowed to play cat and mouse with the other nations.

-Especially if they are the mouse.

2. I'm not allowed to smile sweetly at the other nations and call them "My darlings."

-They will panic.

-Causing panic isn't amusing, it's cruel.

3. I'm not allowed to make America challenge Russia.

-It won't end well.

4. I'm not allowed to take out the younger nations for a camping trip.

-They will become perverts.

-I'm bad influence and will be hit.

5. I'm not allowed to give Belarus advices on how to catch Russia easier.

-It will make Russia's life unbearable.

6. I'm not allowed to sing funeral songs every time Greece passes by.

-I should help him, not the crisis.

7. I'm not allowed to sing a song from the "Godfather" every time Serbia passes by.

-He is trying hard to step on his feet and I should respect that.

8. I'm not allowed to sing a song from the "The X-Files" every time Canada passes by.

-Even thou he does have a very unique ability to disappear.

9. I'm not allowed to punch Bulgaria as he sings "Dude looks like a lady" every time I pass him by.

-Or punch Greece, Serbia and Canada who are applauding him from behind.

-It's divine punishment and I deserve it.

-That doesn't stops me from wanting his face to collide with a wall...repeatedly.

10. I'm not allowed to harass Russia in any way, shape or form.

-...or maybe it should be the other way around?

11. I'm not allowed to say that I am going to invent a second "Kama Sutra" book and need volunteers.

-England will be the first to kick me where the sun doesn't shines.

12. I'm not allowed to say that gums are made out of my used condoms.

-Because they aren't.

13. I'm not allowed to say that the bunny from Monty Python was one of Alfred's escaped experiments during the Cold War.

-It doesn't get the results I want anyway; instead of making America worried Bulgaria is the one who sweats bullets...strange.

14. I'm not allowed to spread Bulgaria's secrets double agent past during the Cold War among the other nations.

-It's his life and he can make as many mutants as he wants.

-I can't say anything even if I wanted to, Russia is watching me closely.

15. I'm not allowed to start a "Holly war".

-It's a load of crap and I will loose in the end.

16. I'm not allowed to ask nations riddles to determent whatever or not I should unchain them from my bed and let them go home.

-I should unchain them without asking them riddles.

-Or not chain them in the first place...although I really like chaining them.

17. I'm not allowed to drink before meetings.

18. I'm not allowed to pilot the airplane when all the nations are going on a vacation together.

-They thing I will actually crash the airplane just to have them cornered at some deserted island...they are not too far from the truth.

19. I'm not allowed to bake a poison birthday cake for Germany.

-Or the other Axis nations.

-WW2 was long ago and I shouldn't hold grudges.

-But for Bulgaria I will make an exception.

20. I'm not allowed to make exception to the former rule.

-The git didn't even liked the cake's frosting! That's an insult!

21. I'm not allowed to say that frogs could turn into new nations in front of Russia.

-He will start a mass frog hunt.

22. I'm not allowed to imitate birds at a world meeting.

-Or any other animal.

23. I'm not allowed to create my own union.

24. I'm not allowed to train fan girls to be stronger, more cunning and to be able to pick up sent.

-It will backfire.

25. I'm not allowed to feed mutants with manga.

26. I'm not allowed to leave people to sink in a quicksand.

-I'm not supposed to blackmail them for something in return for me saving them, either.

27. I'm not allowed to dress entirely in pink.

28. I'm not allowed to train a special dog whose only purpose in life is to bring me nations.

29. I'm not allowed to prank Russia...no one is.

30. I'm not allowed to prank call Austria.

31. I'm not allowed to tell anyone of what I do in the bathroom.

32. I'm not allowed to scare, maim or emotionally hurt the other nations.

-But I could always prank them.

33. I'm not allowed to say that I'm Rome's one and only heir.

-Because I'm not.

34. I'm not allowed to say that I am a product of Rome and Germania having fun time.

-Because I'm not.

35. I'm not allowed to help Poland become more girly.

-He is girly enough without my help.

36. I'm not allowed to stay up late plotting my wedding with England.

-Because there won't be one.

37. I'm not allowed to sing like mad at random times.

38. I'm not allowed to dance my favorite dance at all.

-Because striptease is not a dance.

39. I'm not allowed to make jokes about the Cold War.

-It may cause another Cold War.

40. I'm not allowed to pretend to jump off the top of the Eiffel Tour.

-Even if England looks absolutely adorable when he is worried about my life.

41. I'm not allowed to say that Jupiter can become livable as well.

-Because it can't and it is one big gas giant.

-And America may actually believe me and send Russia to investigate.

42. I'm not allowed to start a new space program until I promise not to harass the native aliens.

-I make no promises.

43. I'm not allowed to count ships using the Italy twins dressed in ship costumes.

-Germany will hit me.

-Spain will hit me.

-Russia will take the ship costumes and ask me for a third one.

44. I'm not allowed to say that the Slavs aren't human and should be experimented on to determent what they truly are.

-Because America will actually do just that.

45. I'm not allowed to say that the Nordics are one big grumpy family.

-They live in the same place, but that doesn't make them a family and I should take that into account before making such statement.

46. I'm not allowed to start anything that has to do with incest.

47. I'm not allowed to make up silly laws such as: "Mandatory naked marathon every Monday morning or jail."

48. I'm not allowed to burn America's vampire books in front of him, claiming that they are impure.

-I should wait until he is out of sight to kill those horrible monsters.

-If I fail I should run and hide in Jerusalem.

-If they fallow I will give them to Bulgaria for research, hopefully he will figure out how to send them exactly to the hellhole they had crowed out of.

49. I'm not allowed to ride horses any more.

-Or mention why I'm not allowed to do so anymore.

-Giving people nightmares is just mean.

50. I'm not allowed to call Italy and Germany "Pinky and the Brain"

_**-I'm still watching you**____**.**_


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don' own Hetalia.

Things France isn't allowed to do:

1. I'm not allowed to tell any sort of jokes around the younger nations.

-I'm bad influence and will be hit.

2. I'm not allowed to say that all the Middle East nations are related to Sadiq.

-Because they're not.

3. I'm not allowed to give Korea any advices on what type of flowers China prefers.

4. I'm not allowed to help Korea at all.

5. I'm not allowed to say "Oh, how the mighty have fallen" every time Turkey passes me by.

-Because he may try to retake the Balkans.

-They will send Russia after him.

-Putting anyone in a situation in which they are hunted down by Russia is just cruel.

6. I'm not allowed to go anywhere near cats.

7. I'm not allowed to say why I can't go near cats.

-Even if I consider the story amusing, Greece still has nightmares.

8. I'm not allowed to put sugar in England's tea.

-Especially if the sugar is mixed with something else.

9. I'm not allowed to say that Serbia is starting a war against Russia.

-Because no one will believe me.

10. I'm not allowed to say that the Balkan nations are Russia's secret fan club.

-Because they aren't.

-Because Russia may actually believe me and chaise after them.

-Putting anyone in a situation in which they are Russia's love interest is not good for their health.

-But the photos will be worth it.

-I'm still not allowed to do it.

I'm not allowed to say that the Baltics had agreed to wear bunny suits just for Russia.

-That's a cruel thing to do.

11. I'm not allowed to tell America that Mexico wants to become one with him.

-Because he will believe me.

12. I'm not allowed to say anything about cats in front of America.

-He still has nightmares.

13. I'm not allowed to sing any nursery rimes around America.

- He will get angry and give me to Bulgaria for research.

14. I'm not allowed to make England dress up as a policeman and then molest him.

15. I'm not allowed to molest England at all.

-...I hate you.

16. I'm allowed to molest Prussia as much as I want.

-...I still hate you.

17. I'm not allowed to say that Spain is a pedophile.

-Even if Romano agrees with me.

18. I'm not allowed to help Romano avenge Rome by sending him with a grenade against Germany.

-It didn't work anyway.

19. I'm not allowed to go to the theater in any country but my own.

-Or the cinema.

20. I'm not allowed to say why I'm not allowed to do 19.

21. I'm not allowed to spy on Hungary while she's bathing.

-It will backfire.

22. I'm not allowed to tell Romania that Hungary has dated all her neighbors.

-Because it isn't true.

-Because it will cause another "Who can get more male Slavs for a week" contest.

-Lucky assholes.

23. I'm not allowed to make myself a hat out of Gilbert's Gilbirds.

24. I'm not allowed to say "Problems in paradise" every time I spot Bulgaria and Turkey yelling at each other.

-They are never amused by what I say.

-They will hit me.

-...but I still think that they are yelling at each other just because they can't get together.

25. I'm not allowed to put bunny ears on Bulgaria, chain him and then send him to Turkey.

-Even if Turkey likes it.

-Bulgaria will skin me alive.

26. I'm not allowed to make a kiss the new entrance currency for a meeting.

27. I'm not allowed to give Denmark ideas at all.

28. I'm not allowed to give any trap manuals to Iraq.

29. I'm not allowed to go 20 km near Kosovo.

-He has a restriction order.

30. I'm not allowed to tell any Baltic jokes.

-It will hurt their feelings.

-Russia will hurt me.

31. I'm not allowed to say that the Africa nations are a product of Spain and England having fun.

-I will be brutally beaten by both Spain and England.

-Its not true.

32. I'm not allowed to adopt the African nations.

-They don't deserve such a cruel fate.

- I'm bad influence and will be hit.

33. I'm not allowed to go near the African nations at all.

-Then where am I supposed to go?

34. I'm not allowed to say that the Balkans are good neighbors.

-Because that's a lie, every time one of them becomes a little stronger the other Balkans gang up against him/her.

35. I'm not allowed to lie.

-...Try and stop me.

36. I'm not allowed to set traps around the world meeting room.

-The meetings are important and I shouldn't treat them like a fairytale.

-Even if the fairytales have some good plans for catching nations.

37. I'm not allowed to help Russia gain world domination.

-The world is not one big joke and creating a secret organization with a leader (Russia), mad scientist (Bulgaria) and their official speaker (Me) is not amusing.

-Even thou it has a chance of success...maybe I should find a loophole for this rule?

38. I'm not allowed to find a loophole in the former rule.

-...but I'm still gonna.

39. I'm not allowed to go to the zoo anymore.

40. I'm not allowed to go to Vatican City.

41. I'm not allowed to go anywhere near Palestine.

42. I'm not allowed to say jokes in front of animals.

-They have feelings too.

43. I'm not allowed to help Romano in building faster motorcycles.

44. I'm not allowed to switch the pilot with a monkey while the airplane is flying over an island with no civilization on it.

-The other nations know why I did it.

-They won't blame the monkey, they will attack me.

45. I'm not allowed to enter the restroom while there are other nations in it.

46. I'm not allowed to spy on other nations while they are in the restroom.

47. I'm not allowed to put up the argument that I could spy on them because the doors are made out of glass.

-Glass wasn't created to make the spying easier.

48. I'm not allowed to get myself pets.

-I'm bad influence and will be hit.

49. I'm not allowed to talk anyone into getting a pet for me.

-I'm bad influence and will be hit.

50. I'm not allowed to say that I watch you.

-**_But I'm doing just that._**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Things France isn't allowed to do:

1. I'm not allowed to dress in orange.

2. I'm not allowed to go around with only roses covering my privates.

3. I'm not allowed to go near an elephant ever again.

-I must admit that trying to ride one and then jumping off it right before it fell into a cliff could be considered animal cruelty.

4. I'm not allowed to go to Bulgaria's sea side anymore.

-How should I know that the beach wasn't a nudist one?

-Emotionally scaring the poor children there was quite cruel of me...and permanent.

5. I'm not allowed to watch Star Wars anymore.

6. I'm not allowed to eat bananas outside my territories.

-Soon I won't be allowed to eat them in my territories either.

7. I'm not allowed to "kiss and run".

-You try not to run when England is shooting at you!

8. I'm not allowed to say that humans are endangered species and I as of one my fellow male should participate in the solving of that problem.

-Mankind is not on the verge of extinction and I should stop causing panic.

-I'm still not allowed to go anywhere near women anyway.

9. I'm not allowed to forge documents that require of every nation to pose naked so I could draw them.

-The document will be destroyed instantly.

10. I'm not allowed to pretend to be Santa Claus and sneak in England's house.

-England's fairies will tell him I'm an imposter.

11. I'm not allowed to help England in raising Sealand.

-I'm a bad father material and Sealand needs stability.

12. I'm not allowed to pretend to be a musician to get into Austria's pants.

13. I'm not allowed to make a spy costume and then give it to Russia so he could stalk China.

-I want those pictures, damn it!

-I'm still not allowed to do it.

14. I'm not allowed to start another French Revolution.

15. I'm not allowed to talk England into reviving Napoleon.

16. I'm not allowed to claim that Hell is divided in spheres and I am the boss of the "Sphere of the Fiery Spike up the Bum".

-Or that this sphere is for everyone that refuses to date me.

-Panic will ensure.

-I will get many dates!

-But I'll burn in Hell if I do this...why is life so cruel?

-Hell is probably not divided into spheres...I think?

17. I'm not allowed to say I'm the boss of "Sphere of being slapped repeatedly across the face with a large wet fish" either for the same reasons as the ones from above.

18. I'm not allowed to say that a "How To: Survive a Japanese Game Show" guide is the ultimate surviving guide.

-It will hurt Japan's feelings.

-England will hurt me.

-The true ultimate surviving guide is "How To: Escape from the evil clutches of a mad scientist" the nationality doesn't really matter mad scientist are dangerous and want to poke your brain no matter where you go.

19. I'm not allowed to claim that England is making new "Kama Sutra" book.

-He will beat me up.

20. I'm not allowed to say that Denmark is the creator of the world.

-Because that's not true...and he may actually like the idea and say it is.

21. I'm not allowed to say that "Existentialism" was what gave birth to Prussia and his...weird tendencies.

-Because it may be true.

22. I'm not allowed to ask Turkey any questions about his preferences.

-He will ask about mine.

23. I'm not allowed to show off with the Louver in front of the other nations.

-They had already seen it, everyone has.

24. I'm not allowed to say that Antarctica's real name is Empire of Antarctica.

-Or that she has an army of 70,000,000,000,000,000,000 penguins.

-Or that her form of government is "You do as I say!"

-Or that the official language is penguin.

-Or that the Penguinism is their religion.

-Or that it was established during the last Ice Age c. 10 ka...by Sir Lord Emperor King Penguino I

-Or that her arch enemy is The Arctic Kingdom led by the bloodthirsty tyrant Claws (Santa Claus).

-Or that the motto is "Shiny! Oh, it's just ice."

-Or that her allies during the Cold war were:

The Soviet Union_** (or else)**_

Martians

Argentina

Chile

The undeads of Warcraft, because their king lives in his frozen WC.

Zimbabwe

And the enemies were:

The Soviet Union (took them over and controlled them for seven minutes in 1967.)

The Evil Ones of "The Arctic Kingdom"

Easter Island

Fiji

Those damned Avian Rangers.

-Antarctica is not evil and I should stop annoying her and spreading such foolish rumors.

25. I'm not allowed to claim that The Arctic Kingdom exists.

-Or that the population is 60,000,000,000,000,000,000... things and all of them serve the evil grandpa.

-Or that the official language is Arctish.

-Or that it was established 1 second after the dawn of time.

-Or that the army consists of attack elves, evil reindeers and insane polar bears.

**-**Or that the motto is "Cold, so cold. Please... help."

-Or that their king is Santa Claus.

-Or that the allies during the Cold War were:

Easter Island

India

And the enemies were:

The Evil Ones of The Antarctic Empire

The Empire of Nova Doomia

Zimbabwe

-That Kingdom does not exist and I should stop spreading such foolish rumors...besides Russia doesn't want anymore siblings.

26. I'm not allowed to claim that the climate: "Ice ice baby" exists.

-Because it doesn't.

27. I'm not allowed to use: consists entirely of snow, ice and more goddamn snow, while describing Greenland.

-I will hurt his feelings.

-Denmark will hurt me.

28. I'm not allowed to claim that Pluto was created by Rome so there is a place where he could drink his wine and watch gladiator games without Germania trying to kill him, but after he realized that it was too cold for the wine to remain liquid he left and so Pluto lost its status as planate.

-Because he didn't create it...but the rest did happened.

29. I'm not allowed to say that Bulgaria become recognized as a country after he bullied Byzantine into giving up to him some of his territories, his lunchbox and his monthly allowance.

-Because that's exactly what happened, but Bulgaria doesn't like the fact that he couldn't take all the shiny things from Constantinople as well...and they call me nuts!

30. I'm not allowed to say that Byzantine's motto was: Παρακαλούμε μην μας βλάψεις Κε. Βάρβαρε! Εμείs θα σου δώσουμε ό,τι θέλεις!

In English: Please don't hurt us Mr. Barbarian! We'll give you anything you want!

-Poor sucker, no wander Bulgaria had so many catfights with him.

-Or was robbed by Serbia and the other Slav's combined effort.

31. I'm not allowed to say that Russia had surpassed Bulgaria in the mutant producing department.

-Oh, come on people, an eagle with two heads must be a mutant!

32. I'm not allowed to say that Roman Empire's motto was: Homo sapiens non urinat in ventum.

In English: A wise man doesn't piss into the wind

-Or that his national Anthem was: "Gaul along the Watchtower".

33. I'm not allowed to claim that the prime overlord of Germania was Chuck Norris.

-He wasn't even born back then.

34. I'm not allowed to claim that Hun Khaganate made a starship capable of time travel and developed the Death Star several thousand years ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

-Because he couldn't even tie his shoe laces without one of his siblings telling him what to do every morning and on the next he had forgotten how to do it on his own and they had to explain...again.

35. I'm not allowed to claim that the dolphins are a result of England's magic went wrong.

36. I'm not allowed to even write letters to Santa anymore.

37. I'm not allowed to go anywhere near a child's bookstores in Finland anymore.

-...don't ask.

38. I'm not allowed to try to pacify the Big Boss by building churches.

39. I'm not allowed to protest against all those rules.

40. I'm not allowed to wear a spandex.

-Oh, come on!

-I'm still not allowed to do it.

41. I'm not allowed to have a teddy bear.

-Non, don't take Teddy away, not Teddy!

42. I'm not allowed to suicide.

-Damn it, I just loaded the gun!

43. I'm not allowed fall into depression just because they took Teddy away.

-Why don't you step all over my dignity next?

44. I'm not allowed to have any vital regions.

_**-Try it! I dare you, try cutting off my little buddies and I will send Russia after you.**_

45....The last rule is invalid, due to...some problems.

-I was able to save my vitals!

46. I'm not allowed to have any plants growing on my balcony.

-Hopefully they will fall on somebody's head!

-Oh, wait I'm not allowed to do this either.

47. I'm not allowed to stare at someone for more than three minutes.

-It will cause panic.

48. I'm not allowed to sing "I can't decide" by Scissor Sisters as a serenade for Arthur.

-I'm not supposed to confuse him.

49. I'm not allowed to vent my frustration by eating chocolate bunnies.

-Grrr!

50. I'm not allowed to ask Bulgaria how was the life during the Ice Age.

-He will ask me something insulting in return.

-He's not that old...oh, who am I kidding? When is that dinosaur going to drop dead already?

-If I hadn't said the last part in front of Russia maybe I wouldn't have stayed in the hospital...for three months.

Reviews are welcomed. 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don' own Hetalia.

Things France isn't allowed to do:

1. I'm not allowed to give my fan girls heart attacks by doing Bungee jumping.

-Nothing will happen to me but the poor girls will die.

2. I'm not allowed to make a video of England dancing in a toga.

-Even if it's only for me.

3. I'm not allowed to say that doves will die out if we let Russia into the European Union.

-Even thou many may agree with me I shouldn't be so mean to Russia, he just wants friends.

4. I'm not allowed to bring the Monty Python bunny to meetings.

-I won't be able to catch it; I will be eaten by it.

-I still claim that it came from Bulgaria's laboratory.

5. I'm not allowed to give roses with "special sleepy ability" to England.

-Or cake with the same ability to the same nation.

6. I'm not allowed to start saying that the sun is going to blow up only to cause panic and kidnap England.

-The same goes for the Moon…why would it blow up?

7. I'm not allowed to pretend to be sad and heartbroken just to get a nation strapped to my bed.

-It is cruel to use the pity of others to deceive them.

-The Nordics don't count; they are smart and grumpy enough not to believe to a word I say.

-The Balkans will throw a party; they love my misery…what had I ever done to them?

-The Baltics are protected by Russia which means they are off limits.

8. I'm not allowed to invite nations over for some strip poker.

-Or start a game of strip poker during a world meeting.

-The risk isn't worth it when the Middle East nations are playing as well…they may decide to execute my vital regions!

9. I'm not allowed to teach the younger nations how to peep in a ladies room.

-Because the female nations are no ladies, they are bloodthirsty monsters disguised as women!

-I will be the one having a jolly ride to hospital later on.

10. I'm not allowed to say that Germany is the kinkiest nation and had many foursomes with his allies.

-Because he actually grins at that and Prussia pats him on the bag.

-And they call me bad influence!

11. I'm not allowed to write: "England marries me or I will destroy the world!" on the meeting board.

-Russia will just raise a brow, get an "Oh, really?" expression and then chaise me around with that pipe of his.

-No, not _that_ pipe you perverts, the metal one.

12. I'm not allowed to give Hungary the idea that Austria will look hot with Denmark.

-Or with Turkey.

-Austria doesn't deserve such cruelty, but I will lock anyone with those two for some good pictures!

13. I'm not allowed to claim that Yaoiweh (Yaoi God) exist and I am his official speaker and that he had showed me the light and that I should show the other nations _the light _as well.

-My vital regions are not _the light_ and according to other nations are pure evil with a mind of their own.

14. I'm not allowed to play games such as:

"Peen the tail"

"Molest the most nations for a minute"

"Freak out the most nations by using a croissant to…_do things~_"

15. I'm not allowed to lock up nations on Mars with the treat that if they don't empress me I'll go in their capsules.

-I will cause panic, heart attacks, mass suicide, and many religious temples will be build to make God help them.

-_**No one will be able to save them when I do it.**_

16. I'm not allowed to say that Lapland will admit that he is cold only when the Sun friezes over.

-Because that's exactly when he will do so, but still bugging him is not nice.

17. I'm not allowed to say that Greece has invented the "war actions" and he should take responsibility for them by having them with me.

-It will result with injuries…my injuries.

18. I'm not allowed to say that a lightning will hit all Balkan nations if they don't stop fighting between each other.

-The poor lightning tried its best but they are still alive.

19. I'm not allowed to say that England is "my precious" and had bewitched me to stalk him.

-He will never do that to himself.

20. I'm not allowed to create the "Get the other nations to pose for nude pictures" Union.

-Even thou I will get followers.

-I will endanger the other nation's safety; especially if Hungary is one of the members.

21. Belarus is not one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypseand I'm not allowed to claim that she is especially in front of Russia.

-He is afraid of her enough as it is.

-Besides The Teletubbies are The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (and "Satan's Little Cousins" to their frustrated rivals.)

Okay people sorry for the short chapter but spring break just ended in Bulgaria and my school is draining my energy once more. Ideas are needed, reviews are welcomed, flames are not.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Things France isn't allowed to do:

1. I'm not allowed to use compliments to reach the goal of winning England's heart.

-He won't believe me anyway.

2. I'm not allowed to become a movie star.

-I will corrupt the future generations with my movies.

3. I'm not allowed to say that hallucinations are nature's way of telling you to get a date in front of England.

-He started getting those hallucinations after visiting Japan, so it can't be it.

4. I'm not allowed to become a psychotic mafia boss.

-Even thou I will look cool.

5. I'm not allowed to wish more than one thing upon a shooting star.

-It will end up hitting England like the last one.

6. I'm not allowed to build more fountains for the sole purpose of pushing the female nations in them.

-I will have to spend months after that in the hospital.

7. I'm not allowed to write poems and then send them to England.

-We all know that the last thing my poems are is innocent.

8. I'm not allowed to write books about how to get a date and then give them to the other nations.

-Some of them had to be sent to the hospital for major nosebleed.

9. I'm not allowed to clone myself and then use my clone to win England's heart.

10. I'm not allowed to kick, punch or slap the fools who try to tear off my beard.

-I like it and it stays!

11. I'm not allowed to share a slice of cake with England.

-Or talk him into feeding it to me.

12. I'm not allowed to make a special toga that has a mind of its own and will molest those who wear it.

-But I will do so anyway, if I can't molest the other nations then the toga will!

13. I'm not allowed to say that under every swamp there is a boogieman civilization.

-The younger nations will start having nightmares.

14. I'm not allowed to claim the existence of a new empire.

-Because Russia would want to destroy it.

15. I'm not allowed to say that I have a four leaf clover and I'm willing to trade it for England.

-Because America may actually agree and give me a chained England.

16. I'm not allowed to make a statue of Germany out of jelly and then eat it.

-He will have nightmares and the other nations will start thinking I have become a cannibal.

17. I'm not allowed to make the biggest chocolate house and then lock the other nations in it.

-Especially if it has the shape of vital regions.

18. I'm not allowed to start a fashion nudist show.

-No one will come because no one wants to be molested.

19. I'm not allowed to punch a cow in front of India.

-India will beat me up.

-Its animal cruelty and besides the cow will fight back.

20. I'm not allowed to force feed someone with snails.

-Especially if the snails are still alive and moving.

-Giving nightmares to the other nations is cruel and I should stop doing it. Do note that I said should and not must.

_Okay people I'm giving you all a challenge to write a fic with France breaking those rules. The winner gets to make the request for the next "Things a nation is not allowed to do fic" or a different one. The same challenge applies to my other "not allowed to do" fics. Have fun plotting the breaking of the rules. The __Antarctica__ one is off limits._

_Reviews are welcomed, flames are not. _


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don' own Hetalia.

Things France isn't allowed to do:

1. I'm not allowed to drown my sorrow in an orgy.

-There won't be any candidates.

2. I'm not allowed to help other nations with destroying Bulgaria's kinky and manipulative tendency.

-…he still has them, interesting.

-I'm not allowed to go anywhere near him or I will have to deal with Russia.

3. I'm not allowed to use taxis instead of tanks during a war.

-Even thou they move faster and could be more dangerous especially if they are equipped with bazookas.

4. I'm not allowed to kidnap other nations using the help of the unholy Teletubies.

-I'm not insane enough to make a pact with those chibi Satans!

5. I'm not allowed to make the other nations watch the Louis de Funèsmovies.

-Even thou they are the most hilarious thing ever!

6. I'm not allowed to use parts of the bible to excuse myself from doing something.

-Being lazy will only make my economic crisis worse.

7. I'm not allowed to share a popsicle with Denmark.

- He won't mind and it will be hot so what's your problem?

8. I'm not allowed to giggle at the pictures of Prussia as a child.

-Especially those in which he is being chased around by Hungary.

9. I'm not allowed to start races with bulls.

-They are quite dangerous which is, how should I put it, _**perfect for my plan**_.

10. I'm not allowed to ask Prussia to become one with me.

-That's Russia's job.

11. I'm not allowed to imitate other nations for the sole purpose of annoying them.

-And risk my life by becoming a toreador or starting a war with a Middle East nation? I think not!

12. I'm not allowed to put glue on England's seat so when everyone else leaves I will be able to carry him home along with the seat.

- He won't fall for it.

13. I'm not allowed to tie a coconut to a stork and then send it to Egypt.

-Coconuts are heavy and may fall on Egypt's head.

14. I'm not allowed to visit any of the ancient Greek temples.

-My comments may be true but they are still rather insulting.

15. I'm not allowed to put a "did that" sign under the names of all the nations I had ever been… acquainted with.

-That's rude of me.

16. I'm not allowed to use the cover of night to get my baby pictures back from Bulgaria.

-…who in their right mind puts sulfur on the door handle!

17. I'm not allowed to put electric eels in Germany's bed.

-That's quite a nasty way to tell someone you are still angry at them.

18. I'm not allowed to kick Turkey down a staircase and into a basement full of shiny, but sharp, objects just because he told me I'm not pretty.

-I will get back at him by dating Greece instead.

19. I'm not allowed to make a chocolate sundae with another nation in it to make it tastier.

-Pity, I was just about to add England.

20. I'm not allowed to teach America how to be a pervert.

-That will result in the ultimate destruction of the world.

_**Reviews are welcomed, flames are not.**_


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don' own Hetalia.

Things France isn't allowed to do:

1. I'm not allowed to dare anyone to dance with Belarus.

-That's rather cruel of me.

2. I'm not allowed to make a union with Prussia, the only purpose of which will be the taking of all vital regions.

-It won't work.

3. I'm not allowed to say that England's magical ability is just nature's way to tell him he needs a hug.

-He won't fall for it.

4. Cornering Italy in a closed is out of question.

-The poor guy is too cute; I can't do that to him.

5. I'm not allowed to pretend to be Batman and peep into the other nation's bedrooms while they are asleep.

-Talking Prussia into pretending to be Robin is out of question as well.

6. I'm not allowed to sing the song "Cherry Lips" by Garbage every time Germany passes me by.

-There is no need to assure him I'm mentally unstable, he already suspects it.

7. I'm not allowed to marry Ukraine.

-Russia won't be the only one out for my head.

8. I'm not allowed to wear a T-shirt with "I love Slav" on it.

-The Slavs will become extremely panicked.

9. I'm not allowed to remind Bulgaria of his "knight in shining armor" complex which led him to saving Byzantine from Turkey.

-Byzantine was actually the dragon, not the fair maiden, as he thought in the beginning...he regrets his decision ever since.

10. I'm not allowed to say I sense déjà vu every time America nears one of the Baltics.

-I'm not the only one who does.

11. I'm not allowed to influence Egypt's culture.

-Especially of it's the bad kind of influence.

12. I'm not allowed to give Palestine any weapons of mass destruction.

-He may use them against me.

13. I'm not allowed to claim that all blond nations have either Slavic or Germanic origin.

-But it is true...that's exactly why most of the Balkan nations are currently in identity crisis, being brunettes and all they obviously don't fit the description.

14. I'm not allowed to ask Denmark of why are his territories so small.

-That's a rather cruel way to remind him that he used to be great.

15. I'm not allowed to respond to a question using the way a Windows program may.

-It may be a true answer, but it's still a useless one.

Ideas are wanted.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Things France isn't allowed to do:

1. I'm not allowed to continue telling Italy to become my territory.

2. I'm not allowed to pat Italy's hair in that obsessed way.

3. I'm not allowed to give him that book about intercourse ever again ether.

-I should stop trying to corrupt the poor kid…but he would look so cute as part of my territory!

4. I'm not allowed to use my cute side to lure nations into my house.

-Or make a path with candy leading to my house.

5. I'm not allowed to continue claiming that Mongolia is trying to recreate his Golden Horde again for the sole purpose of getting Russia as his maid again.

-If that ever happen it will be the other way around.

6. I'm not allowed to call the Balkan Peninsula "An expanding teddy bear factory".

-The newer Balkan nations are cute, but that doesn't give me the right to scar them for life.

7. I'm not allowed to put Germany on a leash.

-Even though Italy will be delighted.

8. I'm not allowed to call Moldova "Russia's son".

-Even though it's quite cute to see Ivan getting all fatherly around the boy!

9. I'm not allowed to make any suggestions about how to save the pandas.

10. I'm not allowed to snicker every time America tries to stop Hungary and Romania from fighting.

-Or make bets on how the two bickering nations will beat up Alfred, I should help him...NOT.

11. I'm not allowed to call Europe "Radioactive being with a mind of its own".

-Or "Mother".

-I am not a character in Final Fantasy 7 and I should stop claiming that I am just to see England in Cloud Strife's dress.

12. I'm not allowed to propose marriage to Russia.

-Belarus, China, Serbia and Bulgaria will be out for my blood before I can blink…they are rather sadistic when they want to be.

13. I'm not allowed to say that wars are the national sport of all of the nations from Europe.

-Or the definition of our national spirits.

-But, sadly enough, they are.

14. I'm not allowed to start a "Who's the kinkiest" contest just to make a new Bad Friends Trio.

15. I'm not allowed to say that everyone should help me recreate Pangaea so we can be one again.

-_**But I'm sure that Russia will help me and then no vital regions will be save from me!**_


End file.
